


Rules of A Lady

by Winchester666



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Banter, Crossdressing, Fluff, Harry Hart - Drag Queen, M/M, Mission Fic but Not, Undercover Missions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 09:34:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15682740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchester666/pseuds/Winchester666
Summary: Sometimes, the best battle armor is smearproof lipstick and a skin tight dress.





	Rules of A Lady

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Deepdarkwaters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deepdarkwaters/gifts).



**Rule #77 of A Lady:** Always dress like you are going to see your worst enemy. _-Kimora Lee Simmons_

********************************************

A sweet scent of lavender wafted through the small hotel room as Merlin left his spot at his computer and strode toward the bathroom. Thin clouds of steam issued from the open door, and inside the fan was humming, low and monotonous.

Merlin could hear the shower as it turned off, and hear Harry curse softly as he fumbled with the shower door. He turned the corner into the room to find Harry, bundled in towels and bleeding from small nick near his ankle, in the process of attempting to make a clear spot on the bathroom mirror in which to see his reflection.

"You aren't going to be able to see in that any time soon, you know that. Not after one of your boiling showers."Merlin pointed out.

Harry turned to him, looking utterly ridiculous with the towel tilting to one side atop his head, and frowned."I'm already running behind. "He grumbled, unzipping a small leather bag that was sitting on the counter. A few tubes and pots of various colors tumbled out across the surface, and Harry's frown deepened.

"Sit. Let me."Merlin said, more or less pushing Harry to sit on the edge of the counter. He reached into the linen cupboard, and seized a fresh hand towel, which he used to pat Harry's face dry before beginning to investigate the contents of the little leather bag. 

"Foundation?"He asked.

Harry shook his head."Not tonight."

Merlin rifled through the bag then, admiring out of the corner of his eye the way Harry's hair, slightly longer than normal, dyed to hide the hints of greying, curled to frame his face in the humidity.

He pulled out a pallet of grey and soft brown eyeshadow, and set to work.

"Close." Harry did.

With careful, near tender strokes, Merlin applied lines of color to Harry's eyelids; a look of stern concentration on his face. Harry stole a peek from beneath his lashes and he couldn't keep himself from smiling.

"So serious, Leonardo."He teased.

"Of course."Merlin answered."Now be still."

He finished his job on Harry's eyes, topping off smoky eyeshadow with a jade green eyeliner and a coat of mascara that made them seem even more alluring and bright and innocently wide than they normally were.

Merlin was smiling then, warm and soft, something rare and...

"Beautiful."Harry murmured appreciatively.

"Yes, you vain thing. You know you are."Merlin scoffed, mistaking the soft-spoken word for a question.

Harry shook his head, eyes rolling."No. I meant you. Smiling like that. You look... well, lovely. To me anyway."

It was Merlin's turn to shake his head then, slow and disbelieving as he set aside the freshly capped mascara and reached for a tube of lipstick.

"Dare I ask how it is you have the slightest idea of how to use makeup?" Harry asked him while he examined the shade of whore red he'd selected before setting aside for a paler shade.

"I have a elder sister, Harry. Do you really think I escaped childhood without being subjected to the torture of being her styling head?"

A full smile broke out across Harry's face, perfect teeth showing.

"Put that away now,"Merlin scolded."And," he opened his mouth in such a way that his lips wer on full display, as if saying the letter ‘o’.

Harry did as instructed, and let Merlin paint his lips a soft shade of pink, still fighting not to grin.

*******************

About half an hour later, Harry stood before the bathroom mirror, fully prepared for his mission.

He'd banished Merlin from the bathroom once his face was on and the room had cooled enough for him to dress.

Alone, Harry managed to slither into a form fitting black and white cocktail dress that ended just above his knees. His long legs, shaved smooth and slipped inside thigh-high stockings, ended in a pair of elegant heels. False breasts sitting perkily within the tight confines of the dress and his own pert rear gave him enough curvature to be a believable woman, and his hair, now properly curled with an iron, framed his face with twin ringlets brushing his cheekbones.

It was quite difficult, in all honesty, to look at Harry without seeing a woman at first glance, which was his intent. Tonight, he was assuming the alias of drag queen Hazel Darling.

Tonight’s mission was an easy one, by Harry’s gauge. Nothing more than a simple information-gathering session on some supposed money-laundering scumbag. The mark, one Mr Anthony Sinclaire, was an indulgent man, taking pleasure in each and every way he could. His tastes seemed to run more toward the exotic side, Percival had noted during observation, as he followed Sinclaire to various strip clubs, sex lounges, and a menagerie of other adult entertainment facilities. A favourite seemed to be watching drag shows, and occasionally, taking one home.

And so, Harry would meet with Sinclaire, hopefully catch his attention and, if necessary, accompany him home.

Carefully, with a great deal of grace and dignity, Harry made his way back into the main space of the hotel room. He came up behind Merlin and, without missing a beat, lifted his leg to rest his heel on the arm of the chair he was sitting in as he tapped away at the keyboard.

Merlin’s head turned, and he cocked a brow as he watched the hem of Harry’s dress retreat up his thigh, baring the top of a stocking and the slightest hint of the garters holding them up. 

“Well now, that really isn’t very ladylike, is it?”He asked, eyes finding Harry’s.

“Hardly, but it did get your attention.”Harry responded, cocky smirk playing on his painted lips. “And after all, I’m not really a lady, now am I?”

Harry lowered his leg again as Merlin slowly spun the chair out to face him. As Harry bent to fix the hemline of his dress, Merlin leaned in and their lips met in a kiss.

“Not too much, my darling.”Harry said as he pulled away. “You’ll smudge my lipstick, and then where would I be?”

“I’m almost certain that one said ‘smearproof’.” Merlin answered with a dirty look in his eye.

Harry snorted in amusement. “Leave it to you to notice a thing like that. Smearproof, indeed.” He stole a look at the clock on the nightstand and sighed. “I had better get going. I suspect Sinclaire will be at the club within the hour.”

Merlin nodded his agreement and rose from his chair then, handing him his glasses, which Harry slid onto his nose. Merlin also clasped a jeweled bracelet around Harry’s wrist.

“Wouldn’t do to have you wearing your great clunky watch.”He explained at Harry’s confused look. “Nor would it to leave you totally defenseless. Press the sapphire, it’ll electrify, like your ring. Rotate the ruby, you’ve got your amnesia darts, tapping the citron to fire.”

“And the emerald?”Harry asked.

Merlin shook his head. “Purely decorative.”

“I doubt that.”Harry scoffed.

“Smoke grenade. Pop it off and chuck it if you need to make a quick escape.”

“You’re a genius, Merlin.” Harry leaned in for another kiss, allowing this one to become a little deeper, more of a tease. Merlin stroked his cheek, letting his soft ringlets coil lightly around his fingers.

“And you’re a devilish creature, at best.”He murmured back affectionately. “Now get a move on. If some other queen catches his eye before you do, this will all be for nothing.”

“How you underestimate me and my feminine wiles.”Harry said, faking hurt. He knew Merlin was right though, and made for the door, grabbing a sleek leather purse, containing his gun and a grenade-lighter, from the shelf next to the door. 

“Harry.”Merlin called to him, causing him to pause on his way out. His voice softened some and he said, “Be careful.”

Harry smiled, touched.”I will.”He assured him. “And when I get back, I’ll prove to you that ‘smearproof’ means nothing.”

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea if I will continue this fic, but it is a possibility! Please subscribe for updates!


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